Thursday, March 15, 2007

We are all so greedy. No matter what reasons we can come up with for our greediness, it is always almost wrong to want so much more than what was already given.

We are always romping around, declaring our stand about how we want it all or nothing. I am so guilty of this that it irks me to think that I actually think the 'all or nothing' theory is justifiable. In any aspect, it is barely achievable. Because we exist not in our own in this whole universe, there are so many uncanny links to people we love and people we do not know that it is hard to isolate yourself anymore. And therefore because of these links(sometimes chains), you wouldn't go on without affecting anyone whether or not you intended to.

It is like the Variables Theory(anyhow made up by me). If one function is affected by one variable, you can integrate just with respect to that sole variable. But due to the way God made us, we must now have many many partial integrals, and have to take into the account how one variable affects the other. It makes one simple thing so darn complicated just because of the many partial integrals. Come to think about it, it is really not so hard to grasp all these.

So before you start ranting about 'what is wrong with wanting all or nothing', let me explain myself. You would think that isn't it cool to want all or nothing in the aspect of training for the sports that you are playing? I mean, that is what Mr Yong taught all of us back in NJCanoeing: to give your 100% in whatever you do. Oh wait, that isn't exactly true either because he wants ALL, and conveniently omitted the 'NOTHING' part. You are not allowed to have 'nothing'.

I digressed. It is unthinkable to be able to put in all your efforts in training(not trying to discourage 'trying' though). What about other things in your life that you have to weigh? There is school, family, church, work and so many other things waiting for your attention. We all know that we can't give our 100% for the sports, yet we still go around thinking that we could. I think it is a compensation mechanism that we practise. In thinking that we are giving 100%, we allow ourselves to live with the fact that we can't. Ironic isn't it? But I love to tell you about the ironies of Life.

Of course there are people who put in 100% efforts into the sports(and in the same time chucking other impt things aside). I mean, since when there isn't an exception to any case? But even if you are able to do it 100% mentally and emotionally, you wouldn't be able to do it physically. We are so greedy and we keep pushing our bodies to achieve the desired 'ALL' part, we forgot that some things are already more than we've bargained for. We force the physical being to do what the mind says and we damaged parts of ourselves. Then again, any good ol' njcanoeist will tell you: Oh, it's the efforts that counts.

Then if this is so, did we still achieve the 'ALL' part?

We look at relationships between people. Different relationships calls for different kinds of responsibilities and expectations. The most demanding one would definitely be that between a couple in love. Everyone wants everything of the other other half. We want to occupy most, if not all, of their emotional world. And when there is a sligh deviation from us, we go crazy thinking if he/she is cheating on us. I think this is one aspect where it will be true that most people wants the ALL or NOTHING deal. If we can't be all, we rather be nothing.

It is kind of funny because how can we expect another person to be belong entirely to us when he/she has already been linked to so many people? It is like we naively think that it is possible to be ALL when deep down we know that it takes so much more than anything to be the ALL. But don't we all wants to be the ALL? Maybe this is why people are easily miserable or depressed. We expect to be the ALL but we can't be and when we can't be, it kills us.

Okay actually at this point, I am going to stop writing about the all or nothing because I am incoherent already. I think I dint intend for this article to come out this way. But nvm, today is still a great day (: It is creepy how one person can easily light the day with a gesture that came out unintentionally adorable. Creepy because it shouldn't be this way. Still, let me enjoy this 'creepiness' while it still last.

I have a soft spot for soft toys(no pun intended!) which sucks because I don't like to have soft spots. But they just get to the inner child in me and makes me go 'Aww, aint that cute? Let's get that!' I bet my wallet is going 'AHHH! not again!'. However, being the fairly disciplined person I proclaimed to be, I make it a point not to buy soft toys often. Actually, I don'treally buy at all. Hahah.

I recalled a rather old post I have wrote some time back. Something about drowning, something about it is easier to just go down under rather than struggle to stay afloat. Like the pressure on top is higher than the pressure below... Then it spooked me because that was what happened to Meredith in Grey's! And what I said wasnt inspired by her actions because the episode only came out one year after I wrote the post. But one thing for sure, I wouldnt drown myself PHYSICALLY just because the things of this World are getting to me. I am so much more than this(or so I would like to think)! It does make a difference when you know you have a Savior that is mighty to save. (:

Bye for now!