Tuesday, October 31, 2006

I've been thinking to myself: why is it that being kids is all we want to after we grow up? I know there may be a few that begs to differ but I dare think that really, many of us secretly feels that being a kid is much more better than a grown-up. So I've been wondering and trying to find out the best way to justify this need to refusing to grow up. Growing up is definitely something we could do if we want to, but I haven't really met anyone who actually wants the process to be speed up. It hurts and it sucks, we all know that. Save for the many problems and responsibilities we face, many issues and expectations. Reality is really never kind to grown-ups, not that they are any nicer to other age groups. My point being, being a kid means that your brain doesn't register the fact that Reality sucks, not until you start to grow up anyway. It's like Reality bribed kids with a lollipop or something, making all of us think that what matter was really if your best friend plays with you or not, or what present are you getting for Christmas.

And when your age starts to hit double digit, the lollipop is gone and you feel like you are caught in an awkward dream. Maybe an awkward nightmare. So we know the past is good because we have been through it. We knew how it was like, there is no uncertainty about what it could have been because it has already happened. So we do feel safe about it because we have knowledge. And knowledge, as the old saying goes, is power. So i've been thinking, why do we always look back to the times when we were young and everything was simpler and more picture perfect. Point to note, this doesn't really apply to anyone who hates his/her childhood. I am more like generalising.

I think one of the best thing about kids is there is no need for damage control. We do not need to display any concern for other things because well, we are kids and kids aren't suppose to care this much. So we lived and we did the things that we actually want to do, without much considerations. We've done wrong things, failed many times and made bad choices. But we're kids, so we can actually put all that behind us better than a grown-up will do. We don't think too much, we are silly but we were happy. Damage control is one of the hardest thing grown-up have to do. For self-destructive people, its so hard to hit that damage control button because it wil takel freaking a lot out of you. Like a train meant for wrecking, forced to deccelerate so that no one gets hurt. The force applied may have been much higher than the force experienced if it really did collide.

You see, certain things are so hard to control. Damage being one of them and we wouldn't know what's wrong without the pain because we might not be the one experiencing them. It is a messy affair and though hard to achieve, we all definitely need some damage control sometimes. The pain is there for a reason right? Ha. I assure you if you do not get what I am talking about in this post, it is definitely not any deficiency of anything on your part. It's just me, ranting. Which is what I tend to when being left alone. Right. (: Bye for now.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

So Timbre was good, I guess.

Caught up with Nick after service to decide plans for the night and my goodness, he was way too grumpyyyy and I feel weird. Normally, I am the grumpy and whiny one, having the need to complain about every single thing that crossed my path. But I guess that's what army does to you, Artillery in fact, haha. He was so tired so he started rambling about wanting to go home, or somebody's house. And when he walked into BK, he started ranting: 'BK stinks. It's hot in here. There's no aircon. I want to go out. I don't like this place...' You get my drift. Quite funny but he became more normal after his meal(thank God!).

And so karen didnt show up :( *boo* I should so count my blessing that I had the company of two very charming guys last night right? I mean, they read my blog and everything. If I said otherwise, I should most probably get into trouble. Haha. But it was good. We met Ernest and set off, in a search to find Timbre(none of us knew how to go there by public transport). The funny thing is, God seemed to be setting us off in a walking marathon. Almost every direction we decide to take ends up being the wrong one. It wasn't me I swear, cause I kept quiet. Those two army boys just couldn't get their bearings right. *ha!*

So we walked, got lost and nearly settled for CHIJMES. But we hung around SMU campus for a while more and finally found our way to the place. The place is great actually. Really cool and laid-back. Best thing about the area was that it is not crowded at all. I think that should be considered a feat because it was a beautiful saturday night and it is supposed to be crowded everywhere since it's Singapore and it's Halloween. So it wasn't crowded though the place is great, which kind of makes me glad. The service was good and best part of the deal - 3 local bands were scheduled to play through the night.

Local bands are interesting, I would like to hear from them more. Ernest was being really funny and it made everything more interesting. Like how he pretend to act like the lead singer from one of the band or how he makes fun of the performers. Okay it sound wrong that I find it funny that he is making fun of people but you know, Ern being Ern is really very hilarious. And then there was Nick, being high on his Long Island. You should really check out both of their faces when they got their drinks. Seriously, I so want to take a photo and publish it to everyone I know. The looks of contented humans. Haha.

We had our individual picks, then shared a pizza, followed by the apple drink before we went quite broke. Drinks were normal and usual but the pizza was good. The triple mushroom.. sigh wish I had more money. Then they kept disturbing me. Like when I used 'lucid' they made such a big fuss over it.

Ern: oh lucid~ You know what lucid means?
Me: erm, sober? In the right state of mind.
Ern: wow, somebody knows how to use lucid ah.
Nick: oh so your english actually improve when you are high?
Ern+Nick: *laughed insanely*

Seriously, what's with lucid? It's just a normal English word! My english has always been good(or so I hope) and I wasn't even high when I used lucid. I was so not high because I had milk. I am not Joanne, I don't go high on milk! Alright, case closed. Anyway, beside funny conversations like these, half the time we were yelling at each other cause the bands were loud. They were loud but I think they were good. They featured three bands, each with different genre(thank God) and Nick was demanding emo rock. Haha, I think he's a bit crazy already.

Nick: I WANT EMO ROCK. emo emo..
Ern: Emo rock? I think if they start to play emo rock I will walk out immediately.

They didn't play emo rock unfortunately. The first band was called Fish Tank and they play Garage Rock, much to my dismay at first. However they turned out quite good. Music was not bad, guitarists were good and the drums definitely did the trick. And oh! The lead singer was funny, Ern could imitate him pretty well. Just that his dance steps(or so I think), makes him somehow looks like he is having spasms. Like you know, involuntary muscular contractions. Hahah. It was garage rock no doubt, and good for a start. Apparently Nick somehow thinks that they are playing emo rock cause he wanted emo rock songs so badly. *haha*

Nick: Oh this is nice, emo rock.
Me+Ern: Errr, no?
Nick: Yes what, like emo rock.
Me: Emo rock is like My Chemical Romance that kind you know...
Ern: Yeah, that kind that goes 'AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!' *started shrieking*

Haha, enough of emo rock already. So we finished with the first band. The second band came up and I forgot what was their name. The tops or something. Table Tops? Ha, don't know, never mind. Their music was fresh for a change. No more rock, they were lounge jazz. Not my kind of jazz but they sound good live. I think I enjoyed their performance best out of the 3 bands. Their first 3 songs were great. Subsequently I didn't quite stay with them. There was no song, no lyrics, just music. Keyboardist looks pro and Ern said something about the guitarist looking like a nerd. Lounge Jazz, interesting, very interesting.

By the time the third band came up on stage, we felt compelled to go home already. We finished the whole jar and even ate up all the ice cubes. We wanted so much to order somemore but comtemplated the possible cardiac arrests we might have when the bill comes. So we didn't, we just paid our tab and sat for a while more. The third band which I also forgot their name was doing Rock 'n' Roll. So it was loud, again. Ern commented something about it sounding vaguely like Bollywood(hahah!). The lead singer was really spoiling his voice in an attempt to deliver his song which I think is not bad by the way. So I will cut him some slack about those funny dance steps(yet again). I think the las t band is the loudest of them all so we didn't really want to stay on.

We left and cab home. Nick started giggling in the cab(im serious!) and we were talking. Just talking. I felt good. I mean it was fun and everything although they laughed at me and we blew $112 in such a short period of time. But we were just sharing lives, different kind of lives that 3 of us were living. Nick in Artillery Ern in Don't-know-Cannot-Say Department and me, a clumsy ntu chem engine student trying to do well for exams. It is really fun when we talk about what we do each day. My story is definitely lame and I don't want to talk about it. It is more fun hearing from Ern, hearing about the test he took with the lie-detector machine. So they actually do have such things ah. But why wouldnt they believe that Ern is straight? Hahahah! Does that show something? I wonder. Ha.

Ah, nice night people (: Nick wants next sat to be on even though he said he don't want to. Liar :P Next week The UnXpected is playing! Are we in or are we not?

Friday, October 27, 2006

he: 'eh but I thought I went through this with you all in class? I think I did. So don't need to copy. '

*the audience grumbles* (what are they thinking, seriously..)

he: 'You all want to copy ah? OK LOR.' *in the most cute manner you can ever imagine*

Hahaha, I must be crazy. (:

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

It bothers me a lot that I don't really bother anymore.

Get what I mean? Haha, nvm. Nobody really cares so why the pretense or the need to be the 'correct' person?

Monday, October 23, 2006

You know, I seriously do think that I cannot live on my own. Now before you start laughing and slapping me with the 'i-knew-it' label, just remember that I am really trying hard. Haha. So yep, today is my first night alone in my hostel room, and I don't like it at all. :( It's just a bit not very right, I don't know why. My roomie has gone home and so did everybody else.

So firstly, I washed my bedsheet at 3pm and I only remembered that I washed it later at 12am. So I left my bedsheet in the washing room for a good 8 hours. Excellent, I could have used the dryer thrice already.
Secondly, I ate my dinner at 1130pm because nobody bought food for me and Joanne was kind enough to get me something when she went back school. This is kind of sad because the fridge ran out of food and I personally think it's ABIT dangerous to be wandering out for dinner ALONE.
Lastly, in an act of desperation, I played videos on my macbook while studying just so I have 'people' talking to me. I wasn't watching them(because I have watched GA season 1 more than once ALREADY), I was really making decent progress with my physical chemistry. Okay this sounds a bit sad, but I'm good. Haha.

I think I don't want to stay alone again?

Anyway, Charlene! I worked in a hospital for half a year, I think that justifies my liking for House and GA (: And today, I received a very nice surprise: Ernest Xue smsed me! Haha. He suddenly smsed me and called me ANGANG and then went on to say how long we didnt see each other. Sorry ern! Couldnt go out with you today though it will be fun to but schoolwork is currently driving me nuts and I would rather keep this insanity to myself. Haha. Meet up soon! With deb too. Many sorry to deb! For not being able to meet on sat night. My bad. Let my exams be over soon pls.

Haha, sometimes it's these people's acknowledgement that puts a smile across my face. It's these people that I don't see often but know still care, these silly people that tags on my tagboard, sms me and connect with me. These people that is overseas, in Aussie, sharing my love for csi( i like csi too in case char you don't know ). Haha. Well, well, I think I really have to smile now. (:

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Watching Grey somehow strike some chords, in many ways which I hate and dig it. I guess some things just won't stay dormant because you hide them in the darkness. In many ways like how one tries to stuff everything up the closet only to have them all tumble down on her someday. Do we all do that really? Each and everyone of us. Seriously, does knowing really beats wondering?

There is a comprehension that certain questions don't have answer. We all only know it too well. When we take things at face-value, maybe it might eat us more than if we do it properly. There is always this reverse reaction to so many issues, trying hard and end up realising that maybe not trying was better. Saying things then discovering the payoff for silence is actually so much higher than explanation. How do we even know what's right?

Grey's Anatomy is a good show seriously. Like all the previous ones I've talked about. Maybe, you will discover a little more about yourself after thinking while watching the episodes. I don't know how its like for the rest but I sure need some research. On myself nonetheless. The suprising talk I had with someone. The realisation of things that I knew were always there but I choose to ignore.

Maybe the person was right? If the person was right, then what do I do about myself? I had told myself that I knew what was what all along. I knew my place I knew my work I knew my everything. I knew outside myself. The things I've come to realise. If it all wasnt what I made it out to be, then I will seriously need to sit down for a while. And if i really shut the compartment up, can I even open it again?

On a lighter note, Dr McDreamy is really cute. haha. (:

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Yo, time for some randomness. Random photos taken at random timings with random handphones.
All not good quality photos but interests me nonetheless (:

This is peishan going crazy. Haha. silly her :P *published w/o her permission!*

Leep thinks that her hair looks a bit TOO thick in this photo. Requested to take one more shot but of course, who will publish the glam shots? Must have those unglam ones then interesting what! Haha.

Blue gloves! Used it for one of my lab. I like it cause it's blue and does not contain powder or a weird latex smell. The usual one that I worked with in lab and in hospital stinks. Like a rubber.

A very bored me during Econs lect. Taken using Leepeng's phone. Haha I sometimes think its not the quality of the camera that matters but rather the mood the picture conveys that matters.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

we should all just be normal, even if it takes so much out of us.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Today was a good rest day I guess. (:

Home always works the best for me, no matter what situation. I was a tad upset that I couldnt go home last night, due to the fact that I have an appointment at the medical centre this morning. So I went back hall with chiteng, after being sidelined yet sitting through the whole water training. Things seemed weird on shore(or on land as yz reminded me, 'you think still kallang ah!'). Feels funny to not be down, but feels better that I do not need to do simple while watching them train. Hahah.

We celebrated Joanne's birthday. Admist a nice cake and some profanities from the birthday girl herself. They decorated her boat with balloons(which all came out at the end of trng) and made her wear garlands around her neck n wrists. A very interesting(funny is the word actually) sight to behold. The poor girl was not allowed to take them off. Hahah. Then Elaine threw her down into the pool despite her pleas. We heard a very loud **** before the splashing of the water followed. Ha. *shake head* happy 20th birthday Joanne. (:

And so I watched Naruto back in hall. Grumbled about the fan and fell asleep. Woke up to a handwritten note by my roomie asking me to tc. Haha. I think maybe she got a bit unnerved by my suggestion that I might bleed to death while sleeping. Couldnt blame me for that conjucture actually, the wound kept bleeding. Also woke up to my dear neighbour's offer to drive me home. Haha although I hate this whole episode, I thank God for these angels (: Special mention to sean too, thanks for the offer! But came too late and I think you are rather glad to be spared the agony of coming to ntu right? :P

And so she drove me home. Nice ride actually, funny radio station talking about funny things and playing funny songs. Funny not in the bad sense but rather, in a light-hearted sense. My mom was a bit alarmed at my injury(oh yet again another bandaged feet..) but all was well. Slept the day away and I couldnt figure out why this fatigue. But nvm. I rejected their offer to go out and woke up to find myself alone with my darling dog staring at me.

Then it was TV time!! (: So super deprived of tv! If could I would want to bring my air con n AXN back to hall. Hahhaha. Axn rocks, seriously. Managed to catch the 2nd repeated telecast of House! After my hongkong show. Why would anybody want to subject themselves to injections and treatment for attention's sake? They actually have a name for this 'illness' but I forgot what. After House was Numb3rs, which was quite fun to watch, really.

I like watching shows that I can relate to. House was about hospital. Numb3rs was a lot on math and science. It's amazing, they could use math to solve crimes. 'Math is not just formula,' they say,' it's logic.' Then the guy in the show used Brownian motion to describe the suspect movements, blahblahblah. Threw in so many math terms that it got a bit foreign at that point. Maybe chiteng should watch the show. Haha. Did you know that you cannot break a piece of spaghetti into 2 pieces? It will always end up in 3 pieces after the 1st attempt to break it. Interesting. I didnt know that. It is supposed to have something to do with the 'Fragmentation Theory' which I have no idea what the heck is that.

Think maybe I should just go back to protein folding. Hahahah. :P

Friday, October 13, 2006

*ahem*. When you have someone posing as you and tagging on other people's tagboard, how should you feel?

a) I feel super honoured that someone takes the effort to want to be me *beams*

b) I laugh and get entertained by STUPID people (Yes stupid is the word) who trys hard to be funny. *LAUGHS*

c) I shake my head and refuse to believe that some people actually have the time to do all these shit. *GROWLS*

Let me tell you, dont ever let me find out who you are because i will get nasty.
And trust me, you won't ever like it if i get nasty.

So if you would excuse me, let me go and bask in my new found glory. I think someone just made me his/her idol.
I guess I would go for Option a.

Bloody.

Note to my dear Ethel, you know i wouldnt say those things about you. To my dear Thaddeus, guess I wouldnt be tagging for a while now.



*Why do I even bother making such a post? Growls. Hope the poser grow up and stop being retarded*

So angry that I feel like smacking the head. *SMACK*

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Frustrations reach a whole new level when it comes to dealing with creatures of lower level of sensibility.
It's like trying to lecture Relativity in Spanish to a whole group of Chinese people.
You get what i mean? The frustrating portion has 2 sub-parts - the difficulty of communicating Einstein's concepts and the language barrier.

I just felt that I was trying to teach Relativity in Spanish to a whole group of chinese 3 years-old kids. I couldnt be more frustrated. Being unkind is one thing, being rebelious is another. Then again being rebelious is one thing and being rebelious WITHOUT A CAUSE is another.

Grow up, just grow up. the world is not as simple as you think.

Seriously it is not. And I dont even know how to tell them that. Its not just some major exams and normal daily struggles. It can be trials and tribulations, if that's God's intended will for you. It can be anything. Anything but normal.

Training myself. To smile when you feel like smacking+whacking the creature up. Grrr, it definitely take something out of me but guess i can cope. HA.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Now when did I go wrong?

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Do you want it at all?

No, I don't want anything at all.


You know what? Call upon the name of the Lord, and be saved (:
Today my p6 kid asked me a very cute qns:

'hey why your phone alarms are all 5mins away from each other?'

me: 'ehh.. cause i will snooze and i will never wake up on time if i just put one alarm.'

*sheepish smile* That aside, i try hard not to be random but i really cannot. So just let me be. Ha. I'm typing this as i wait for my roomie to finish her work. My corn is hurting the HECK out of me, i understand what a thorn in the flesh means now(pun intended). The haze is clearing and Im happy that my p6 kids are ending their PSLE. Hooray! Hope they all do well. hahah.

Chuppa Chups strawberry is nice. but the strawberry cream one is not nice. Emmiline says we should just try out different waffles flavours at cant2. She said there is an orange flavour and i told her coke flavour will be cool. But she thinks it is weird to have a coke waffle. Haha. I want to watch so many movies! But i think i need to save?

I like people who gets me my lollipop. Haha. The eyebags are getting worse! I try to stay afloat but i secretly think i want to sink? If i don't surface then I don't need to care. The pressure underwater is so much lesser then the 'pressure' at the surface. The previous sentence is not supposed to be correct in the physics aspect. I hope my dog don't have any more tummy problems.

My ipod is quite crazy. It cant play video anymore. It just hang when I try to play some video. *grrrr* I hope i remember the things i have to do. I hope i don't think about things that are unneccessary. Haha. I must be crazy. But I think I don't mind being one? Sometimes I think people don't understand. it infuriates me sometimes, but then other times it doesn't even bother me. I think Im supposed to make sense but I concluded that i am not.

I don't like to talk about those things sometimes. but seems like its inevitable to discuss it. then i said some things, and after that i don't agree with what i said. So i think better not to say out? It's not choices all the time. It's not about whether it's inevitable or not. It's not alot of things. but we always make them the things that they are not supposed to be. Why do people that know the right things to do always fail to do them? They just need a smack on the head right? Hahha nvm nvm.

Wow. I am so amazed by myself sometimes.
HAHAHA.

nites!

Friday, October 06, 2006

I am afraid my new obsession with Fox drama - House will distract me from my daily operations. Haha. It is running its season two on AXN weekly on Monday. Poor me only able to catch it(mind you, is the repeat) on Saturday morning. With groggy eyes nonetheless(due to the stupid haze).

House is a medical drama. Like all your Grey's Anatomy. I haven't been watching Grey's so I don't know how it is like now. But I have been catching House, and I like (: The main character in the show is a super smart doctor called Dr. House. He heads a team of doctors under him. And he has a way of dealing with difficult people and patients. He is darn smart, and very humorous. Below is a conversation he had with his friend. They were talking about a patient House treated that nearly died:

Cameron: You are lucky that he didn't die.
House: I'm lucky? He's the one who didn't die.

Hahaha seriously, he is damn funny! But ultimately, despite all the skeptical talks, I think he is still a good doctor with a heart. Like he does try his best to save people, going the extra mile like blackmailing his colleagues so that they will do the operation for a dying patient. Point to note though, he is highly saracstic. That i like!

Sarcastic characters appeal to me. Like the Miranda in Devil Wears Prada. 'Your stupidity does not interest me' and 'go bother someone else with your incompetency' haha very cool! House is quite acidic.

Who has dvd/vcds for House! Lend me please. Or, who knows where to get them?

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

i just need laughters and insanity to forget myself.
forget what i am and what i am told.
nvm.

happy birthday elaine!(i know you read my blog)
heh (:
many thanks for the many smiles and fun.
the wax is nothing hahahaha (:

Sunday, October 01, 2006

him: and oh! Happy children day btw! its YOUR day. Hahah. You guys should buy a toy and celebrate the occasion. dont you think that when we all grew up, we made things so complicated? I think it's good to retain a little childishness inside you. I havent decide what toy to get for myself though... *smiles*

So cute! Seriously he is really super cute. I was so attentive throughout the lecture. His first lecture. Seen a dashing transit from the sporty yet smart casual wear to today's charming formal wear. I love the specs! I love the accent. And he kept saying 'seriously' JUST LIKE ME! *beams*

I think i'm loving lectures and tutorials for all the wrong reasons. HAHAH. But please, i hope he is not gay. Cute guys are either gay or taken i concluded. I would rather he be taken(by a female definitely). Sigh, Im thinking too much.. hahahahahaha.

him: the lady in the brown sweater, if i need to be more specific. *smiles*

HAHAHAHA. (: