Sunday, April 29, 2007

You stop making plans, because things changes faster than you can blink.
And I know, it's a common understanding that change is the only constant in this world.
Does anyone get the full brunt of it?

It's one hell of a ride.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Who knows talking to karen can bring so much laughter and crazy thoughts.
We spent 3 hours today discussing quite an intense topic and we didn't even digress much! Kudos to us.
I am so going to publish this and I shall call it:

Karen's crazy talks Series.

Woah nina, you have got your own series! How cool is that (:

Karen's crazy talks #1

karenina NEEDS an aeroplane. says:
sigh
karenina NEEDS an aeroplane. says:
haha
karenina NEEDS an aeroplane. says:
we are hopeless alright
karenina NEEDS an aeroplane. says:
can you imagine we are thousand miles apart and sitting in front of our laptops talking abt these two persons who might not even rem us
karenina NEEDS an aeroplane. says:
rawr

karenina NEEDS an aeroplane. says:
HAHAHA
karenina NEEDS an aeroplane. says:
oh man
karenina NEEDS an aeroplane. says:
only we will do something like this okay
karenina NEEDS an aeroplane. says:
pple will crush course mates
karenina NEEDS an aeroplane. says:
we crusth tutors
karenina NEEDS an aeroplane. says:
hahaha

She really tickles me up. lol. (:

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Hi God.

I'm not unhappy with the way You have arranged the things for me. I am actually kind of glad that You got back to me so fast, so obvious. And it feels good to be not doing much and yet things are falling into place. You know how I worked the best and Your ways are so much higher than me.

It's just that sometimes I feel a bit down when I can't do what I wanted to do. It is not that I am used to having my ways. It's just that it hurts a little to be throwing the ambitions and plans away when I know I could do much more.

So help me to live my life the way You want me to cause honestly speaking, I don't know how else to go on already. But I am alright with the current arrangements. Just help me to be convicted of it.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Okay I am dismayed.

And this shouldn't appearing here because I have wanted to hold this space until exams is over. But I guess I am not really that kind of person who can wait and stick by what she had resolved to do initially. Anyways, it shouldn't be too long I just needed to get things out of the mind.

I am growing increasingly dismayed because of all the violence. The Virginia Tech shooting disturbs me. And the slaying of the 3 workers in a Christian Publishing House in Turkey. Plus when reading news off CNN.com, reports like '24 killed in Afghan battle.... 12 killed in Mogadishu violence' surfaced faster than I can say 'Afghanistan'. I'm begining to feel distressed and the heart continues to grow heavy. All these killings are far from my sunny shore, but that doesn't mean that they don't exist/matter.

Somtimes, one wonders why people don't read the news. I don't like reading the news because reading the news always makes the whole pciture dark and gloomy. There is hardly enough good things to go around to override the bad already. And since bad things weigh so much more than the good, I am feeling that maybe the picture will never be the least bit hopeful anymore.

And then its times like this, I have a mini-debate with God.

Plus the weight of exams makes it so hard to trust. I don't want to get caught in the rat race and I don't want to be constantly affected by a dip in the grades. All these are so wrong, it's like I'm doubting God's sovereignity and trying to take charge on my own. I feel like I keep making plans for a lot of things but I'm forgetting to include Him in all the plans. And this dismays me too. How could I, who knows what is right, continues to do the wrong? It makes me feel sick at the pit of my stomach. So wrong and I can't pull myself away from it.

My fear that I have. The fears that my RGS girls have. I told them not to let 'it' bites them, and I am making an extra effort to see that I do the same too. Then I realised that trying to keep something who stings you from biting you is indeed a very tiring effort. How tired must I get will then be the whole struggling thing be enough?

And I miss my friends who are not here with me. Like suddenly. I miss Charlene because she is the rare few people who gets me. She gets what I say without excessive explanation from my part(which I have to do quite often to others). She shares my humour and she does not dismiss my sarcasm(which is part of the humour btw if you can't see it!). Plus she is playing with many kids! I want to play with many kids too. Why is she in Australia...

I miss my ex-colleague from CGH. She is this nice and encouraging elder sister figure that I never had. She looks after me, takes very good care of me and few people will do so. She don't see me as someone who can do what, she sees me as someone who needs something. And she always tries her best to provide that something. Why is she in Australia....

I miss Karenina law who has just joined the 20 club. I don't why because when she was in Sg we don't see each other much. Maybe absence does makes the heart REALLY grow fonder. Looking at her birthday celebration pics, I'm dying to hear her sarcasm and I will tell her I like her sarcasm because I like sarcasm. And we could be exchanging gushes about our respective cute tutors and she will get me because she know how it feels. Why is she in Australia...

I miss Deborah Chen Jia Hui suddenly too. The brief 10 mins talk we have on the phone was enough to set me thinking. And I know she is someone who does not judge and is always patient with me. And she is fun to be with and its been ages since we last talked face-to-face. Which kind of sucks considering she is still in Sg. My only hope is that she gets into NTU and things could be better.

And so you see Australia has taken all my friends away. Soon van will go back to York and I will have one more country to blame for my angst. Which is rubbish because they cant fight back verbally with me. And I dont think a travel plan is possible this fall. Unless someone accidentally transferred 2k into my bank acct. I can 'accidentally' see his purple peugeot but I dont think I can 'accidentally' get 2k out of nothing.

And so I am dismayed.

Okay I promised that this will be short so I guess I am wrong again. I am always wrong and I am always right about me being wrong. The stupid irony of life this is. Now it seems like even him won't make this better. Anyway, I should be detailing my birthday celebrations and thanking people when exams end. Make do with the negativity for now.

Bye. :|

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

the only one cool(and short) thing that is worth a mention right now:

the purple peugeot i saw today. (:

God cannot be more kind.

Hahahah.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Hi World.

Life has been kind, even with the fact that exams are coming up. So studying is an hourly thing, or should I say, minutely thing. Whenever there is any free slot, it will be used to squeeze a few more formula into what I hope is a brain. This space will be quite empty for now because busy studying means less thinking and busy studying means less reason to feel angsty. So no thinking+no angst=nothing to write.

I am busy signing up for consultations you know! :D

So bye for now. And all of you peeps better study hard because exams have no room for regret.