Monday, July 31, 2006

I think embarrassment takes a new level when you lug a huge bag of comforter, bedsheets in one hand and carries a big pillow on the other, and take mrt to ntu.

how I wish for a chaffeur. ):

but your promises, they served you well.
now you're gone and they're wasted on me.
i guess that all you've got, is all you're gonna get.
so much more, so much more.

actually it does matters a lot to me how you are feeling.

except that you don't tell me much and i can't ask much.

i'm not good with words, i can't enter where you are.

it gets tiring sometimes.

I heard that you were home again, but you don't look like your back to me
With your focuses changing your gaze is transfixed on a point that I can't often see
You've got your new ties, I've got my old knots, you've got your inside lines
But your never happy with what you've got

I heard that you were living well, but you don't look like your living to me
Though the sparkle is gone, the smile is in place so that everyone watching can see
You've got them all convinced, but I know it so well
That you could list your friends, but you can't count on them

As soon as you got it you want something else
It's not the sale that you love, its the sell
It's not the price that's going to cost you
It's just the weight that's going to bring you
Down, down, down, down

-So Beautiful Dashboard Confessional


in a dashboard mood now. I told you I like the way they play with their lyrics. (:

You've called to say you wanted out
Well I can't say I blame you now
Sometimes you've got to fold before you're found out
Well thanks for waiting this long
To show yourself, yourself
Cause now that I can "see" you
I don't think you're worth a second glance

So much for all the promises you made
They served you well
And now you're gone and they're wasted on me
So much for your endearing sense of charm
It served you well
And now it's gone and you're wasted on me

-Rapid Hope Loss Dashboard Confessional

It's a lazy afternoon. The sky is grey and it's rainy.

Jack Johnson and Donovan Frankenreiter are right for the mood right now and I don't even feel like typing anymore. It has been ages since my muscles have ached like this, guess I really haven't been training much on my own.

Training camp has been good. Got to know more people, talked to more people, played with more people. I believe in the aspect of team bonding, this camp has helped us achieved a lot. Physical training wise, another good push for myself. Time to do what I used to do to myself in NJ if I want back those fitness. Angel and Devil game was fun! I did enjoyed it.

Some things made me think a lot. Which is not very good. Tried to stop myself from a lot of emotional comparison. But anyway, my dear peishan is so sweet to have drop that sms that day when I was feeling the fatigue. Really brought a super huge smile on my face. Many thanks to you peishan, you whom have cared and expressed it though it may be unlike you. Haha. And it was a tad depressing for me to go through the nights without you, can't help but think back on all the times. And I know it has been more difficult on your part than for anyone of us, this whole episode. Don't say I left you alone cause you have never left my thoughts during the camp.

Oops, I hope I didn't sound too scandalous! :) All is truthful and honest opinions though.

Away from that, let's talk about something else.

School is starting. My room is up and packed. Ready to move in ready to do many things. Just needed to scrub the floor and guess everything should be fine. Heard enough comparisons of hall 4 with other better halls. Heard and seen enough praises for other halls. Too tired to refute, too depressed to regret and too late to change anything. The only really redeeming factor had got to be the fact that me and peishan can be neighbour. Other than that I really cannot think of anything better to make myself feels alright. I guessed God put us there for a good reason.

I need to recuperate. I hope you are alright. Despite all these conflicts and drama, I do hope you are alright. And that you can live with this decision you have made for yourself. Because when the time comes for you to think back and regret, you will be the one taking the pain, not me.

Not everyday is a bright and sunny day, aint it?

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Days have been good. I guessed.

I haven't been really upset nor angry. No extreme emotions. I think I've been keeping myself in check pretty well. The way I disallow negative thoughts into my head. The way I disengage myself from my own trains of thoughts that were going no where. So I guess life has been pretty good.

Saturday night was cool. We had a mad stayover at my house. Me+chit+lp+jas+ps. Went really crazy. I don't know why, maybe cause I never had this combination of people staying over at my house before. So I plugged in the music and really went high and mad. We laughed until cannot laugh anymore. Haha I disturbed all of them till they cant sleep la. In the end after much drama and action, we slept for two hours. The mizuno run thing is interesting. I think people are interesting. As much as I think they are complicated, I do find them interesting too. Just hope everyone is okay actually. Deep down, honestly, truly alright.

Trainings have been fine I guessed, I hoped. bah.

Okay anw, we got our hall 4 rooms key already. By God's grace me and peishan managed to be neighbours. Really happy! hahaha. We are going to paint the dirty walls clean! Then must trot down to ikea to buy some stuff. I think it's going to be fun (:

Basketball was fun. Never play for so long already, rusty like mad. But that Peishan so powerful. i swore to myself to not play against her forever and ever and ever. Its suicidal can. Haha, I don't want to die young. This post is extremely random!

But I find myself being very random recently. Like I just suddenly will feel like saying 'Have a pleasant day' to anyone. Or 'Strawberry milk is nice' this kind of random thing. I must be going mad soon. Hahaha.

I hope my dear charlene is fine over there! Days seemed to be good for her and I'm glad that she is enjoying herself over there. I know God will watch over her closely and that she herself will not allow herself to stray away from our Father. So no worries, I know all is good.

It's late and this randomness is making me very sleepy. So long So long. I like dashboard confessional. Despite Chris Carrabba having lotsa tattoos. I like their music alot. I like their meaningful lyrics. I like the way they play around with the words. I like the way they play around with the music. Acoustic seems to be their approach this album. Sounds quite mild yet comfortable to me. Most tracks are soft. Was looking for tracks that run along the same line as maybe Vindicated or Hands Down or Again I Go Unnoticed. But this album is different I guess.

Good news for dashboard fans. Grab the album. It's good. Don't download music. Its not good. Hahaha. Right Sean?


we are compelled to do what we must do.

Friday, July 21, 2006

What kind of person I am/used to be?

Haha what a weird question to ask myself this time of the night. If you know the answer please leave a tag. For now I would like to try to answer that myself. Was waiting for the clothes to be washed so started to read through the past letters I've received from people. From secondary school all the way till now. What a funny experience it is! To go through the past and be atonished at various things.

I'm not a letter writing kind of person. I like to write, but only to myself. Or I've wrote but don't know how to pass to the person. I've like 10 letters I've written but didnt get the chance to give the other party. But reading through all these letters brought back mixed feelings. I smiled at most of them and wanted to tear at some. It sure is interesting to be doing this now. I'm just going to put down some parts of the letters that I find interesting and I will categorised them properly.

The Team

I've received a fair share of letters from my teammates. All were written to encourage me and those letters really brought a huge grin to my face.

First up, Cindy. She is probably the person who wrote to me most. She was my k2 partner for a while and I like her alot as a partner! Cause she always suprises me with nice gestures. So sweet.

'... i'm glad that we can row k2 together!... if you are unhappy just yell at me. No need to worry about offending me!... let's jiayou together :)'

Haha she is so cute! I am shocked that anyone is actually glad to row a k2 with me. Knowing my bad temper. She must be the 1st to want to row with me. The best thing is.. SHE ASKED ME TO YELL AT HER!!! oh man. Cindy is a good partner. I was sad we couldnt stay together. :( Cindy if you are reading this, I miss our k2 times!

Chiteng writes nice letter. Got a couple from her.

'.... i'm glad to have such a fantastic and BEAUTIFUL friend like you... come to think of it, how did we become such good friends? .. the days we chatted on the phone past midnight, going town after sch skipping study session, the first time we rowed k2 together..you really CHI DAO QUEEN LEH!..'

She says i'm beautiful! Hahhahas! You better mean it okay chiteng chan. How did we become such good friends? I think is because God decided that I need angels to protect me in JC so He sent me You :) Oops, I am a chi dao(late) queen? :( Haha that I know, don't need to tell me.

Okay got a couple of letters from van, jasmin, ps and lp. rach gave me postcard! Spongebob one. The rest like never write me letter leh :( damn sad. Haha I think the next person is quite interesting. Humin! My beloved senior in year one! She wrote us letters and bought us stuff. I am sure peishan felt loved by her. She is quite special to me. I've got a card for her that I didnt pass. :(

'...its really really nice to be able tp train with you two this year, gone through a lot together... remember when you just joined you were not fast but look at where you now.. your direction is the best among us 4 and we always feel safest to start beside you.. stay in contact, any problems or anything can just message find me or anything..'

Sigh I feel like crying already. I miss huimin alot. The more I read the letters the more I remembered about my year one. Indeed we went through alot together as the t1 rowers. The best part was she was always there for us. She offered to be there for me!! I haven't get that for quite long already. People usually don't tell me to find them should I have any problems. I think it's cause they think I am strong so I can do things by myself. Sighhhhhh I want my huiminnnnn

On a side note, huimin's handwritting is as small as peishan one. can anyone believe that?

Okay the next part is from sharon's letter. In case you are wondering why people only write good things about me, I'll show you the other side of me hahaha.

'....you were really quite hot-headed at the beginning...very scary to see you when you're pissed off haha next time when you are fed up think of me and SMILE!...maybe i'll sit in duck tour and visit you all during training next time!'

See, Im a bad person with a bad temper :( Sighhh if there is one thing I can change in my jc life it would be my temper. Sighhh never mind no use talking about it now. I am so sooo much milder now in canoe polo hor Leepeng? I think sharon's plan didnt work cause we moved to macritchie the next year. Hahah. Miss you alot sharon! Alot alot. :)

Ya lo only sharon and huimin wrote me letter. Joanne NEVER LO :(

My 1st 3 months classmates.

This is interesting. The last day of our 1st 3 months, our class wrote something for everybody on a slip of paper. These are what I've got :

'I will always remember your cheeky grin and ACT SEH attitude.. at 1st thought you look quite scary and dao.. glad you are not infact.'

'you have been a nice approachable person who cares for others'

'you are a kind and friendly girl and also very helpful.'

'try to find ppl in the class you are close to.. dun always sms..anyway at 1st you know I tot you were quite dao bud now you have opened up more...'

'if you decided not to join canoeing can consider house reps..'

'you are nice and friendly.'

These are just some. Haha after reading them I wondered if I have split personality last time. Some say I am dao, some say I am nice and friendly. What am I!!?? Haha but you see, I just appeared to be dao only, when you get to know me I am REALLY nice and friendly la. So all you people, stop saying I am dao. :) Right Joanne?

Okay wanted to go on but have to stop now cause my clothes are ready and I am tired already. What a funny experience. Hahaha.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

many many peishans. Hahahaah

(:

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

I don't know since when I got the bad habit of complaining about training.

Last time in nj, it was not allowed. Not allowed to comment about equipment, the sun or what you ate for breakfast. Training was straight-faced, no nonsense and highly-focused. I wonder if its the free time I have on my hand now that makes me lose my focus or its leaving nj that makes me lose my focus.

I am serious about training. But I get carried away more than often. I get irritated about the things around me. About the equipment. Goodness, that is like a taboo thing in nj, equipment was never our concern in any way. But as I reflect on why I capsized today(yes I did.), I think it's my lack of focus.

As much as I want to be very serious during training, I can 't help but digress from the course. Maybe it's the company(shiyun dun chit chat with me next time on water.) or maybe its the morning blues. I know it's just me. Me and my bad habits which I should kick. Taking a raptor for trng shouldn't be any problem. Last time in Nj you take whatever boats they throw at you. Unstable or not, it's your own business.

So I do feel quite bad after reflecting today. Quite bad for whining to shiyun about how unstable the raptor was. Feel quite bad for unable to sprint properly in the raptor. I don't really believe in the you-are-new-to-the-craft-that's-why-it's-okay-to-be-slow theory. Similarly in canoe polo I don't like it when they give me the you-are-junior-so-it's-okay thing. I don't believe in all that. Okay maybe canoe polo is REALLY very new but let's talk about the raptor for now.

The guys used to tell me that girls cannot take the k1 raptors cause blahblahblah. I don't really buy that because I believe as a k1 rower, you should be able to do it. So everytime there isnt enough boat and I have to take the raptor I am thrilled because I really like to prove them wrong. I was so eager to push last time, what happened today?

I seemed to have lost courage. In the sense of sports. I don't know if that's what God wants but I'm feeling the pain. I only seemed to have this little courage. I've used them up in ministry, there is nothing left for sports. Am I making sense? I don't know. I fear doing rolls so much that I really feel like crying. Which suprises me a lot because I have never fear something this badly before. And today I stupidly go and fear the raptor because I think I cannot handle it well. FEAR FEAR FEAR! Everything I feared! What is wrong?

I only want to have fear of the Lord. Because that will be the start of wisdom. I don't want fear for other things, especially in sports. BIG SIGH.

I see how leepeng does her rolls I hang my head in shame. She cannot do her paddle roll but she tries like mad. She don't care if she can't come out the 1st time or the 2nd time, she just keeps trying until she can't take it anymore. Me, who is suppose to be able to do the paddle roll, tries once and give up if unsuccessful. Struggle and struggle, don't even know struggle for what. I am unworthy of the blessings that God gave me.

I see how peishan row her k1 I hang my head in shame. She, because of the team, had been doing T1 for most of the time in NJ. Yet when we give her a k1, she took it with such courage and she never even care about the small little details. She just row and do what she had to do. Me, a k1 rower, takes an raptor and capsized. What a joke it is you tell me. When I capsized today, as much as I tried to hide it, I felt SUPER disappointed with myself. It's not alright to capsize. I know it's not alright. I don't have anything to offer.

This is like a low point for me. As I discovered for myself how slow I am really. Potential? Don't talk to me about potential. I don't care about potential. Everyone has potential, really. It's just how you develop your potential that makes the difference. It's hard for me actually. Some people just need pep talk when they feel discouraged. They just need assurance from their teammates. But I, not because I am self sufficient or what, needs assurance and confidence from myself and God. I need to convince myself that I can do it before I really believe that I can make it. It's not that other people's opinions are not important, it's just how I work.

I can't even feel anything from myself. I'm depending on God now. I pray that He gives me something because if He doesn't, I don't know how to motivate myself already. I just wonder how long will I allow myself to be in this low. sigh.

so let me slip away,
so let me slip away....

Happy birthday to Leepeng.

Hope uni life will be fulfilling for you and hope you will come to church with me soon.

Because the greatest gift you could ever receive is the gift of life.

Today shall be a happy day. Hah (:

Bored. Got this from van's blog.

Maybe I should... prepare for school soon? Haha.
I love... the King that died for me. And all my friends. :)
I don't understand... why must we learn rolls for canoe polo. why cant we resist hand tackles!?
I lose sleep... thinking about learning to do rolls. :(
People say I am.. very dao. Which is wrong because I am not.
Love is.. patient and love is kind. 1cor13.
When I like someone... that someone must be a nice guy.
Somewhere someone is... in australia and I hope she knows that she is being missed here badly in Sg by deborah chen and anghuiying. (:
I will always remember... my NJCanoeing times. (same as van!)
Forever is... nothing without God.
I never want... to do roll again. HAHA.
I think the current US President... hates pretzels to the core.
I will never get to... see that cute sea lion trainer at ocean park again!
My past is... something that I look back and draw strength from.
My greatest fear is... doing rolls. Really.
I get annoyed when... people talk loudly in the public.
My dog is... the best thing that had ever happen to me. Beside God and my family+frens.
Tomorrow is... another day spent travelling to ntu.
I really want to talk... to charlene eng wan yi.
I have low tolerance for... people who swim across the breadth of the pool.

Random. Peishan chinese is so powerful! You are my SHAN-shine, my only SHAN-shine. YAY! i am mad.

Monday, July 17, 2006

Just a short update before I forget.

Saturday was great! It was team outing day! Met up with lp and chit before the event and we shopped for rach and cindy's presents. Glad both of them liked what we picked. We arrived at ps's house quite late(thanks to a lil drama from me and lp) and missed the ball games part! :( They played some ball games before us so when we came into the room, most of them were wet and *ahem* 'fragrant' :D

I was so glad to see everybody. I know team outing is getting harder and harder to organise. Poor ps was saying that she don't want to do anymore organising. So rachie, maybe the expectation will be on you instead haha. We didn't spend much time together because some of them got to rush. We sang bday songs for the 3 of them and ate the cake. Some of us proceeded to our favourite chinese restaurant opp Beauty World for dinner.

And after dinner, came the fun part (:

Me, ps, mich, lp and mindy went back to ps house. Mindy taught us SUPER fun games like taboo 3, 7 up and drinking goggles game. I tell you, it has been so long since I laughed so loud and so happily. It was all so funny! And it will be impossible to pen down the joy that we had at that point of time in her house. As much as I try to recreate/recap what excatly happen at ps house that day I found myself failing mindlessly.

Some things, you can't put your fingers on.

Happy times pass by so quickly even before you can shout 'wait'. I am glad that I was with them. No matter what situation I am in before that, being with them resolves everything. They say when uni starts, people will become busy and it will be very hard to maintain some relationships. Especially for those friends that aren't in the same school. That day the team came to a conclusion that we WILL meet once a month, no matter the schedule. When I heard that I heaved a sigh of relief. I guess it will be hard for all of us but at least we are trying. I think it will be difficult to say what will happen in the future but I think with them taking step by step with me, there should be no fear.

I think I had probably said this a million times but I can't help it.

I love my team heheh (: I love ps, mich, mindy, cindy, lp, chit, sm, xt, VAN, jas and rach. alot alot.

Training is getting harder and harder to digest. Been going down to mac to paddle with shiyun and ps. Ha, I just welcomed ps to the k1 family. She sure is doing a good job. That's the thing with her, she never ever allow anyone to worry for her. But of course that doesn't mean that I don't care about her. Been clocking my mileage(100km is the target!) and it feels good to paddle. Really. Despite the super hot sun, I do miss rowing. k1. Hais. If everything could be so crystal clear like when rowing, I really wouldn't mind the sun.

NJ canoeist. This label that we carry with us everywhere we go. This invisible yet obvious label. This label that people throw at us. When we row, the weight of this label we bring. Is it our wish or is it against our wish? Do the rest even know? This is just quite random..

Hais, why must things be so....? Why must there be so many strings attached to the sport?

I feel like whining alot alot. :(

Thursday, July 13, 2006

I like hanging out with deborah chen jia hui :D

Today is the 1st time I've seen her since don't know when and I enjoy it. We had a simple dinner at Sakae, ate very little yet talked a lot. Updated her about the peeps in church and she told me things about her cousin. It was really fun just conversing, sitting in the restaurant and just chilling. We proceeded to do a little shopping at cold storage and to my surprise, she has a fetish for supermarket too!!!!

We love goccery shopping! :)

We didn't spend like super a long time together but it was really a realllll comfortable time. Time passes so quickly that I didn't even realise that the sky turned dark. Deb!! Let's hang out soon okay. Let's not care about the venue or the time. :)

What a friend it is that I have in Deb and not to forget my dear charlene eng wan yi :D

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Went down to Mac today to watch Nats school. What a totally different feeling it is!

Shan't talk much about the results but was really just glad to see everyone. Especially my junior girls. Was just sitting near the finishing line, getting sun burnt and cheering for the juniors until I decided to do some walking about.

Went to find Shi en first and she started crying when she saw me. Jialat.. I thought how come I look so fierce that she see me cry already. Went over to talk to her and to my relief found out that she cried cause she misses me!! :) *proud* okay anw, I took a boat and escorted her out for her semis. That girl did us proud by fighting all the way to the end. I was so scared that mr yong will find out that I took nj boat but I couldn't care much cause I wanted to be with her until the very end.

I understood fully how she felt. Racing when you are ill/injuried is the worst thing that could happen to a rower. The fatigue, I will always remember last year. It was really a super horrible feeling. When Shien finished her race, I asked what did she have to say to me. She said, 'I tried my best.' and I replied with a 'I believe you.' Cause I really believed. Really damn proud of her. It's the fighting spirit that she has that others can't come close.

She was special to the k1 seniors last year. Being chucked into a k1 and having to train with a horrible senior like me is never an easy feat for any junior girl. Be it you are an ex-canoeist or not. I remember the trainings that the four of us went through. I remember them being my source of strength(other than God) when I came down with pnemonia. I remember the belief we have in each other when the odds went against us. So seeing her one year later just brought back so much memories to me.

Then it was brigitte and meishan. their k2 race. meant something to me though I didn't race k2 in nats. I guess it was because it is the both of them. Leepeng came to tell me that brigitte wanted to see me and it got me all excited about meeting them. So saw them before they went down for their race and talked to brigitte a little bit. I do care about them. I really do. And I thank God that we can make a difference in them.

I took brigitte on a k2 for a while last year. Anybody can tell you that I was the harshest to her ever. I expected a lot from her(because I knew she could do it) and I gave her so much scoldings. But she never once doubt my belief in her and she always try to do her best for me. So it's like I always scold her during training but deep inside me I feel the ache. But she showed me today that all my scoldings haven't gone down the drain and I'll be cheering for them this friday.

Isn't this what a team should be about? The sincere care and concern we have for one another. The emphasis on the effort and not on the results. The being there for each other spirit and the fighter mentality. As I graduate from NJ canoeing team, I got so disillusioned about what a team is about. I told myself not to impose my NJ values on others because not everyone went through what I did. But I find myself unable to call any organisation I joined to be a team.

So i kept asking God, 'What is a team?'

I don't know man but I do have my own set of ideals. I sometimes wonder if I am being too idealistic to expect other teams to be close to what I think they should be.

1. Believe in your teammates!
In a team, belief in your teammates is very vital. There should be no discrimation, no permanent frustration in those that are not as good. If there is any of those, the team cannot progress together. Because you don't even trust that your teammates can be as good as you. Nobody likes to be slow or what, trust that they are giving their best. If you doubt their effort, talk to them and clear things up. Always believe in the good of everybody.

2. Don't blame others, blame yourself.
Mr yong always say that if our juniors never perform, it is the seniors' fault for not teaching them well enough. I do agree fully with him on this point. If my junior never do well, I would really think that I didn't guide them well enough. We should not think that it's their fault for being lousy or being slow. Stop thinking that it's others' fault, reflect on yourself. Have you done enough for them? Is your 'done enough' simply lip service? Or you had more to offer? We go back to the first point about believing in your teammates.

3. Be there for them.
When your teammate is down, what they need is really encouragement, not frustration from you. Be there for them, push them on. Most people tends to draw more strength from encouragement or positive feedback than a bad/angry attitude. It's true. I for one, work very well in a positive environment. Don't leave your teammate in the lurch and go do your own things because you feel angry. I am sure they will feel like shit.

4. A 24/7 team
Being teammates is not only just down in the water racing or training. Remember that you are a team every minute of the day. You are team when training together, you are a team when eating together, you ARE a team even when you aren't with each other. Do not expect team spirit when in the water then forget all about your teammates when training ends. Team spirit doesn't come this way. If you are truly concern for others, they can feel it. That is how the team grows stronger together. Togetherness is the key for team sport.

5. It's for others, not for yourself.
In NJ, whatever we do, we do it for our team. I row for my team in every race. I draw strength from these people in my mind when I feel tired. Because when you draw strength from the intangible and people that matters to you, the strength that comes will be amazing. Selfishness is not acceptable in any team sport. If you are good, help the others. Contribute sacrificially. If you are not as good, train hard so as to not let your team down.

It's too idealistic isn't it? Sighhhhhh. I really don't know what is a team anymore. I miss my nj canoeing days alot. REALLY ALOT. AS I TYPE THIS I FEEL LIKE CRYING ALREADY. I MISS MY TEAM SO MUCH. BUT IT IS SO HARD TO MEET UP WITH ALL OF THEM. WHERE IS MY TEAM!!!!! I WANT MY TEAM!!!!!! :(

The things we went through was really unbelievable. But we stuck together. That was what that prevented me from giving up. Mindy was just saying that all of us are so different but we just somehow became close. I really believe it's divine. Like God just sent 11 angels into my life to keep me sane during my JC years. Hah..

Anyway, went out with leepeng mindy and van after the events. ps abandoned us cause she has some date. *mock anger* but we still love our dearrrrrest captain all the same. Okay anyway, going out with mindy when she is tired is quite disastrous. She became so HIGH that it was so embarrassing. The outing just became so girly that it is damn fun! Mindy keep doing funny accents and leepeng tried to follow her. End up leepeng's fake accent make her sound like a filippino. WAHAHAHAS.

We ate at Food Republic korean food which tasted really good. sat and talked/crapped until we got chased out. proceed to do a little shopping before stopping by coffee bean to rest. continued to talk and laugh so much that the stomach felt the stitch. haha. I hope that we don't lose the healing effect we have on one another. The ability to make each other's day simply just by being yourself. Irreplaceable :)

Shall stop now because I have to go and row tmr because ps is going and because if I dont go yongggg is going to kill me. Aiya, of course not mr yong la :P
CiaoZ!

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Just watched 'Worlds Apart' on AXN! Hey it sure is nice! I think it is better than Simple Life *ahem at Peishan* Hahahas.

This reality tv show send people to interesting places in order to let them experience a totally different kind of life. In this episode that I watch, the show sent this connecticut family of 5 all the way to Panama jungle! I don't know where excatly is Panama but I think the survivor series did one season there. Super fun can!

The jungle place was really a far cry from their beautiful town in connecticut. In connecticut the mom drives around in a nice car but when they came to Panama they had to row a boat around. The place where they slept is like very small and there is no mat or whatsoever to sleep on. They just have to sleep on the hard floor with a few pillows. The mom and the 2 daughters were like complaining non-stop when they heard that.

They also had tattoos done because all the villagers have tattoos on them. They say it is a form of identification and it help keeps bugs away. The family gamely let the villagers tattoo them. Everything look so fun and muddy. The family then became more open to their culture though it is so different from their city life. Although the girls still whine here and there, I can see them having lots of fun.

They brought the father to hunting. It was all so primitive. Really no form of technology at all, which makes everything seems so unique and special. They got a bit lost but still came back with the targeted prey(which is some sort of weird animal). The females were like doing household chores. Cooking, washing clothes and looking after the kids. The fourteen years old daughter was like whining non-stop about everything.

Then one of the villager's kid fell real sick. They planned to go to the nearest hospital which is mind you, a good two hours boat ride away! The boat no motor one hor, they got to row with oak and all that. So when they preparing to go, all the kids were like crying, the mother also cried. She was very anxious because many kids don't survive a bad illness. Then Lisa(the connecticut mother) became visibly worried for the kids and everything. She was trying her best to pacify everyone, telling them it is going to be alright.

The youngest children of the connecticut family is this boy called... I forgot the name but nevermind we shall call him ben because I think ben is a nice name. Okay Ben was being very enthu all the time during the trip. So the villagers brought him to this man who became his hero later on. This man does all the chopping in the village, he was like so strong and muscular. He has with him some sort of barang knife and he taught Ben how to chop a coconut! Ben really enjoyed himself.

So the family stayed there for 10 days. And when it was time for them to leave, things got a bit teary. The dad really like the place and he said something about wanting to stay there forever. Life is simple but life is certainly enjoyable there. Ben and the barang knife man said goodbye and both of them cried! SO SAD RIGHT! Lisa also cried while saying goodbyes to the mothers in the village. I think the connecticut family is so going to miss this Panama village.

After the show they showed footage of the girls plus their mom rolling in the mud catching crabs! I was so impressed. I remember one of the girls saying at the start of the show that she aint a mud kind of person. But to see her participate actively in catching the crabs taught me that if you never try, you will never know! I am certain that she will remember this experience for a lifetime.

So i was just thinking to myself.. I don't think I will mind such an experience! Though I told lp that I most prob wouldn't survive.. I don't mind trying okay. It really seems like an eye-opener. Hahaha. Peishan, you should watch Worlds Apart! Not simple life okay!

:P

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage.


Sad to say that I think nobody understand this statement anymore.

Friday, July 07, 2006

As I look at the things that unfolds around me, I can't help but asked,

'How did people get so complicated?'

From Adam and Eve to this day, what have we done to ourselves? I do believe in the good in EVERYBODY but it seems that the more we progress the more we lose this goodness. We can be sure that our God didn't change. He said in His Words that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever. I am not saying that we shouldn't improve ourselves and should just live in village and be farmers. I just cannot understand WHY people can get so complicated?

Why did we hurt somebody? Is it our character that determine this behaviour? Or it is the situation that we are in that force us into it? I do believe that no one will feel TRULY good when they hurt somebody. Not even if they meant to take revenge. I see that you hurt her and vice versa. But is it that hard to bury the past and TRY(i mean at least TRY) to move on? I feel so tired just looking at the both of you.

When you hit the raw spot that people don't want you to know, they always tell you, 'You have never been through this you don't know how I feel.' Don't give me that okay. Not going through the situation doesn't mean that God won't give me the wisdom about it. And understanding of certain things do not need to come from experience. Observation counts too. But of course, not as if I am going to tell you how I feel because I won't and like you will listen.

I see people getting so hurt by love. It is so funny! Isn't it an irony? Love is suppose to be so much more but it ended up becoming an instrument we use to inflict hurt. Of course I am not saying that every relationship will end up like a typical fairytale. I know there are bound to be disappointment and tears, I do recognise the bittersweet element about love. What I mean is that do not use somebody's love for you to hurt the person because it is down right wrong.

1Cor13 - Love is patient, love is kind...it keeps no record of wrongs...It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.Love never fails

Isn't that what it is suppose to be about? And of course, it would be idealistic to seek love of such calibre. But I would at least like to see love that keeps no record of wrongs or a love that always trusts. Cannot fulfill all but at least fulfill one la. It was meant to be something beautiful, but because of our own human complications, we twisted the whole truth about love. Oh man I can't stop frowning.

It seems that there is always dozen of distractions that keeps us away from God. Like what crystal told me,' Flies won't fly on hot stoves.' But we, are acting as though we are lukewarm stoves that are calling the flies to come to us. The worst thing is sometimes we refuse to change the way we are because we try to deny God. Have you ever tried denying God? It's like He place in you certain things that He wants you to do or some things He wants you to change but you ignore them. End up at the end of the day you feel so drained and you feel so wrong that you totally don't know what you are doing.

Was talking to shiying that day. She said something about wishing for the wrong things but God corrected her. God has plans for us. He always does. We also have plans for ourselves. Like we always do. Should God change your original plan and want you to follow His, this is my encouragement for you this day:

It's not that when God change your plans means that He has OTHER plans for you.
It means that He has BETTER plans for you.

Don't treat God's plans for you just as 'other plans' or 'another alternative', view it as a better plan and God will never fail you.

So people..... can we be lesssssss complicated??? heheh.

HK holidays photos coming up soon. Check back here for update. (:
*cheers.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

SDBF on sunday.

Can you see the smiles on everyone's face?



Those ARE real.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Ahem, since my dear leepeng thinks that I'm becoming lazy like her and not making an effort to maintain my blog, I shall blog :D

I do think it's important to do a short update anyway, not that anyone would really want to know but I want to jot things/events down before I forgot anything. My memory is getting worse. I don't really remember what I was doing last week. I only remembered watching a lot of world cup matches and thus becoming very tired. I also recalled catching She's The Man with my darling Persis and Shiying. Good show, should go and catch it. But I think it's ending its run very soon.

Weekends were cooool. Both KC and P6 cell have been good and thank God for being with me. I went down on sunday to Bedok Reservoir for SDBF. Managed to catch 2 NJ races and had a lot of fun with the people there. Ps, Mindy, van, lp and chit were there. Plus Chewy and Paul(Andrew) came for a while. The sun was torturous. My feet(and black slippers) were totally burning up and I really didn't realise how long I haven't been in the sun.

The NJ juniors did well(at least in my sight). The girls came in first and I knew excatly who they were rowing for. They had like only 8 seniors on board plus two year ones but they performed just as well. At least better than my batch :( But anyway, proud of their achievements and the junior guys came in Second. The NJ spirit was there. It was good.

The most fun part has to be with playing with the girls. You know it's really such a good time joking with mindy because I haven't seen her in ages. And VAN! Did you know that everytime I play canoe polo and look at the senior I will think of you! I didn't realise that I will miss van that much. It's something I just can't explain. Then me and lp were like fighting again(forever) and that pig threw my slipper around. Ps was trying so hard to stop/seperate the both of us by lifting up her leg in between both of us. And guess what we found out?

PEISHAN HAS SUPER SEXY LEGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh man I should have just took a photo and show you how nice her legs were. Hairless. Toned. Nice colour. Oh man its everything I wanted lo! So I was like caressing her legs and she got a bit scared. What.... Ps you should feel honoured you know. I have never caress anybody's legs THAT way before. Plus, you and me... well you know... we are.. HAHAHAHAS. So scandalous can. But everybody knows Ps is scandalous. Sighhhh, I'm just one of her small fling. :(

ALRIGHT I'M JOKING. :)

But it was real fun just teasing ps. I like to tease her and make her uncomfortable. I know that sounds evil but I think that ps enjoys that secretly. Whahahas. But ps is really lovable you know. I told her she should have her own sitcom 'Everybody Loves Peishan'. I mean, how can anyone resist her! haha, it's true alright. After telling her that, I gave her a very ticklish hug that send her squirming away. Hahaha.

And I was glad that ps talked to me openly about the canoe polo thingy. She just had to make it better for us. I kind of disagree the way she tries to think for others all the time because obviously not everybody thinks for her too. I know I shouldnt say that because as a christian we must always repay evil with kindness. But I really cannot stand it if anyone bullys MY PEISHAN. *Growls*

Whatever the things may turn out to be I really don't care as long as the team is still the team. I know I can always run back to them for support. Was talking to Joanne today about my team. Told her about all our team outings, our year as seniors. What happened between the k1s and k2s. About how van, mich and rachie eat so much and yet are the lightest in the team. The more I talk about the team the more I miss them.

I can't put a finger on which part of them do I miss.

Or who excatly I miss.

From those that I see often(chit and lp(unfortunately)), to those that I don't see AT ALL(xt and sm!). From those that are constantly on my mind(ps and rachie), to those that I keep in my prayers(jas and mindy). From those that I want to meet up with(mich and van) to those that I meet up online with(cindy!!). It's amazing. It is really amazing how much I still want to be in touch with all of them after all these while. I know I said this on my blog before but I want to say it again:

i love my team (:

Okieeee shall keep the rest of my emotions to myself for now.

Caught Superman yesterday with yongshiyun and it was not really nice. I think for those non comics fans, don't waste your money la. Unless you really dig Brandon Routh or you are like me, you like to see James Marsden WITHOUT the cyclops sunglasses, then go for the show. But it is unbearably long. Like 2.5hrs? My butt was definitely going to cramp. The things is I didn't really understand what was going on. Obviously this is a sequel to a super old superman film a few decades ago. Oh man how would I know right!

Then the story was a tad too draggggy. It is like draggggggy with ten to the power of 100 'g's. Okie not sure if you got what I mean but yeah, it was super draggy. I know this is about a superhero but you dun have to make it SUPER long right. There were scenes where they show Superman flying all the way to the sun to sun bathe. I am like 'What's that for!?'. Should just hurry up kick some asses and end the show. Brandon Routh is cute but my butt was in pain. I just couldn't quite connect to the show but if you fancy some eye candies PLUS actions PLUS a little background about the universe or crystals, then go and spend your $7. :D

And I think I need ALOT of money. my cabbing habit is on the rise despite taxi fares going up. Even Joanne looks at me in atonishment and said 'Eh you are too much already.' Alright I know that and I'm really trying hard not to waste money on cabs. But hey, if the sun wasn't so hot and the location wasn't so far, maybe I wouldn't cab at all okayyy. so I must start my save money scheme. But I have so many cds I want to buy!

Leepengggg can you like get the Kangta and Vanness album? It's going to be super nice I tell YOU! hahhah.

I realised that I never talked about canoe polo trainings on my blog before. I think its because I didn't want to. But anyway, there is nothing much to talk about except that I'm really super lousy, I have zero fitness and I have blue blacks on my legs. I hope my mum don't think I have some illness or what if not she is so going to stop me from going training. And I just keep doing stupid things during trainings that make me look realllly funny. Eh but I'm not smiling because I am shy not because I am dao or what okay. I hate it when people say I am dao. It's called SHY. S-H-Y. rightttt. :P

Oh just a random thought(this post is so long because I haven't been updating. so bear with me alright), why do we say blue black? Why not black blue? Because you see if we place them in alphabetical order, black should come before blue because A comes before U. And in chinese we call them 'Hei Qing'. If we loosely translate that, it will become black green in english. SEE! Black is always before the 2nd colour! And as i surveyed the blue blacks on my knee, I see more black than blue la. So going by the rule of majority wins, it should be called BLACK BLUE, and not blue black. Weird, I don't know how these words came about anyway. Hahaha.

Just so random. Just very random.

Match later. Wonder if Italy is going to kick the host out.

I hope they do. Heh.