Wednesday, May 16, 2007

They were right. From the moment you wake up to the time you fall asleep, you are filled with questions. I am filled with questions almost every part of the day. Some of us verbalise the questions all the time and get mixed reactions. The rest of us internalised the questions, without any need for the answers. There are some questions that we have always wanted to ask, but dare not because we fear the answers are not what we want to hear. Even more so, some questions are so dangerous, the truth is not an option.

Is my wife cheating on me with somebody else?
Is my business partner selling me out to our rival company?
Is my cute tutor attached/married/gay?

You get the drift. Questions like these that we are dying to know. Questions like these that eat us up. I realised that questions that deal with betrayal or dissapointment are often the questions that we are afraid to ask, because the truth often breaks us. And we know we can't take it. But not addressing the question does not means that it doesn't exist. Its like saying when I am having a headache, thinking that I don't doesn't make it go away.

We can paint the consequences, yet we can't always paint the results that we want to see.

So does having a lot of questions mean you are doubtful of things? Does that means you have little faith of what you see? Actually all of us should have little faith of what we see since what we see are more than often anything but the truth. Then it means that all of us should be doubtful, we should be questioning. But then again, no point asking someone else a question when you know he/she is going to lie anyway. Maybe we should answer the questions ourselves, but then people will accuse you of assuming without any proof.

I can assume without any proof. I am really THAT good.

Anyway, let's just leave the questioning thing here for now. I feel that the more I delve into it, the more uncertain I am of myself and many things. So we should stop it.

I know I have been lamenting about the changes, praising the unchanging elements and constantly mulling over the past. It is something that I can't help but do it. So I took a step back to examine myself to see if I have changed. Asking myself the million dollar question, 'Have you changed, Huiying?'

And of course the winning answer will be 'Duh, of course I did, silly!'

How could anyone not? It just depends on how drastic and what kind of change we are talking about. I know I have outgrown La Bi Xiao Xin. That used to be one thing that really cracks me up. But while watching the cartoon and reading the comics sometime this year, I found myself not laughing along with the perverted boy anymore. Oh how saddening. I think spongebob is looking less funnier nowadays. So is baby blues... Argh, please don't let me outgrow babyblues! I really think I love it muchly.

Funny to me is...

30 Rock. I find the show really funny.
Hugh Laurie. His wits on the set of House cracks me up often.
Chiteng. She is crazily funny. You should see the things she does.

Quirky. Am I getting quirkier? Damn.

Yeah of course I've changed in some ways and some ways still remained the same. My taste for music, my choice of clothes and even my processing of thoughts. My way of concealing, my channel of expression. My heart for children and my love for animals. How anal I am about smells, and how I hate it when people touch/wear/displace my clothes and stuff(my roomie of 2 sem will tell you how mad I would get). Some stayed the same when others choose different ways to present themselves now.

Dinner was good tonight. Had great company and food at Sakae Sushi at Eastpoint today to celebrate one colleague's birthday. I got a treat =D How very nice. If everyday is filled with good company and food like yesterday and today, I wouldn't have complained about anything at work I promise.

Anyway I think kids like to hug people. It is either that or I look very huggable to them. Remember the little tyke that grabbed my leg last night at marche? Today my colleague's toddler daughter hug me when we were sitting down and it left me feeling VERY ticklish instead. The girl was loads of fun. The way she talks, the speed she talks and the AMOUNT she talks. Man, you should see how her mum rolled her eyes at her own daughter ramblings. How very cute.

Okay a tip for you. Don't say 'So cute' to the mother when the child does things like talking back to the mother or refusing to obey her. Because it might seem cute to you but I assure you the mother feels otherwise. Whenever I cleverly give that 'He is so cute' feedback to the mum, it is usually reciprocated with 'SO CUTE? If you hear that EVERYDAY, I wonder if you will still find it cute!'

Ahhhh.

I love to be in the company of children. They make you happy and everything seems flowery somehow. They don't conceal and they don't lie(okay fine, they don't lie about major issue). They giggle without a care and they dance for you to see like there is no tomorrow.

Oh but they ask plenty of questions. And they love to repeat themselves just so you know they spoke. They can get very manipulative, yet when they flash that sunshine smile, all naughty behaviour can be dismiss with a oh-so-cute excuse.

Alright this is so long. Let me end off with something funny from work.

Me: Alright that's all you can leave now
Patient: Thank you! And see you again~
Me: Er, for your sake I hope not!

byeeeee.