Monday, March 20, 2006
When a part of you dies, what can you do about it?A part of you that dies is not like a cell/skin tissue that have regenerative ability. And in my opinion, even if you do have the capability, the regeneration process is going to take eons.
Many parts of me died just not long ago. It was as if you are losing grip of yourself and with everything is just not right, however hard you try. You could have a great day at work, a fantastic dinner to follow but at the end of the day, you knew you were lacking something that you couldn't quite explain.
You intentionally avoid the things that you once loved. Simply because you were not yourself anymore. It was so tiring, more of emotionally rather than physically and there seems to be no end.
No more soccer matches or the mimicking of the players.
No more bengawan solo pineapple tarts.
No more Swensens Ice Cream.
No more, not anymore.
I hate to dwell in self-pity because I know indulgence is always bad. So one day I decided all these have to stop and I tried to find myself back my way. Yes, I am strong, I thought and no matter how bad the circumstance I should be able to pick myself up.
Bad move. Trying to rely on my own strength just makes me realise how weak I am and everything doesn't seem to improve. I guess anyone that tries to achieve something without God is like a plant trying to survive without water. Or better, a plant that is trying to make food without sunlight. Okay you bio students, better don't come in and try to correct my facts, you know I am making an analogy here. hahaha. But yeah, when you do something and lack the essentials, you are setting yourself up for failure.
I am still trying to find the parts of me back, it is taking longer than I thought it would be. I have given up trying to do it on my own, because I know I can't.
So wouldn't You bring me to the secret place?
huiyinggg- wrote on 3:09 AM.
