Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Went down to Mac today to watch Nats school. What a totally different feeling it is!

Shan't talk much about the results but was really just glad to see everyone. Especially my junior girls. Was just sitting near the finishing line, getting sun burnt and cheering for the juniors until I decided to do some walking about.

Went to find Shi en first and she started crying when she saw me. Jialat.. I thought how come I look so fierce that she see me cry already. Went over to talk to her and to my relief found out that she cried cause she misses me!! :) *proud* okay anw, I took a boat and escorted her out for her semis. That girl did us proud by fighting all the way to the end. I was so scared that mr yong will find out that I took nj boat but I couldn't care much cause I wanted to be with her until the very end.

I understood fully how she felt. Racing when you are ill/injuried is the worst thing that could happen to a rower. The fatigue, I will always remember last year. It was really a super horrible feeling. When Shien finished her race, I asked what did she have to say to me. She said, 'I tried my best.' and I replied with a 'I believe you.' Cause I really believed. Really damn proud of her. It's the fighting spirit that she has that others can't come close.

She was special to the k1 seniors last year. Being chucked into a k1 and having to train with a horrible senior like me is never an easy feat for any junior girl. Be it you are an ex-canoeist or not. I remember the trainings that the four of us went through. I remember them being my source of strength(other than God) when I came down with pnemonia. I remember the belief we have in each other when the odds went against us. So seeing her one year later just brought back so much memories to me.

Then it was brigitte and meishan. their k2 race. meant something to me though I didn't race k2 in nats. I guess it was because it is the both of them. Leepeng came to tell me that brigitte wanted to see me and it got me all excited about meeting them. So saw them before they went down for their race and talked to brigitte a little bit. I do care about them. I really do. And I thank God that we can make a difference in them.

I took brigitte on a k2 for a while last year. Anybody can tell you that I was the harshest to her ever. I expected a lot from her(because I knew she could do it) and I gave her so much scoldings. But she never once doubt my belief in her and she always try to do her best for me. So it's like I always scold her during training but deep inside me I feel the ache. But she showed me today that all my scoldings haven't gone down the drain and I'll be cheering for them this friday.

Isn't this what a team should be about? The sincere care and concern we have for one another. The emphasis on the effort and not on the results. The being there for each other spirit and the fighter mentality. As I graduate from NJ canoeing team, I got so disillusioned about what a team is about. I told myself not to impose my NJ values on others because not everyone went through what I did. But I find myself unable to call any organisation I joined to be a team.

So i kept asking God, 'What is a team?'

I don't know man but I do have my own set of ideals. I sometimes wonder if I am being too idealistic to expect other teams to be close to what I think they should be.

1. Believe in your teammates!
In a team, belief in your teammates is very vital. There should be no discrimation, no permanent frustration in those that are not as good. If there is any of those, the team cannot progress together. Because you don't even trust that your teammates can be as good as you. Nobody likes to be slow or what, trust that they are giving their best. If you doubt their effort, talk to them and clear things up. Always believe in the good of everybody.

2. Don't blame others, blame yourself.
Mr yong always say that if our juniors never perform, it is the seniors' fault for not teaching them well enough. I do agree fully with him on this point. If my junior never do well, I would really think that I didn't guide them well enough. We should not think that it's their fault for being lousy or being slow. Stop thinking that it's others' fault, reflect on yourself. Have you done enough for them? Is your 'done enough' simply lip service? Or you had more to offer? We go back to the first point about believing in your teammates.

3. Be there for them.
When your teammate is down, what they need is really encouragement, not frustration from you. Be there for them, push them on. Most people tends to draw more strength from encouragement or positive feedback than a bad/angry attitude. It's true. I for one, work very well in a positive environment. Don't leave your teammate in the lurch and go do your own things because you feel angry. I am sure they will feel like shit.

4. A 24/7 team
Being teammates is not only just down in the water racing or training. Remember that you are a team every minute of the day. You are team when training together, you are a team when eating together, you ARE a team even when you aren't with each other. Do not expect team spirit when in the water then forget all about your teammates when training ends. Team spirit doesn't come this way. If you are truly concern for others, they can feel it. That is how the team grows stronger together. Togetherness is the key for team sport.

5. It's for others, not for yourself.
In NJ, whatever we do, we do it for our team. I row for my team in every race. I draw strength from these people in my mind when I feel tired. Because when you draw strength from the intangible and people that matters to you, the strength that comes will be amazing. Selfishness is not acceptable in any team sport. If you are good, help the others. Contribute sacrificially. If you are not as good, train hard so as to not let your team down.

It's too idealistic isn't it? Sighhhhhh. I really don't know what is a team anymore. I miss my nj canoeing days alot. REALLY ALOT. AS I TYPE THIS I FEEL LIKE CRYING ALREADY. I MISS MY TEAM SO MUCH. BUT IT IS SO HARD TO MEET UP WITH ALL OF THEM. WHERE IS MY TEAM!!!!! I WANT MY TEAM!!!!!! :(

The things we went through was really unbelievable. But we stuck together. That was what that prevented me from giving up. Mindy was just saying that all of us are so different but we just somehow became close. I really believe it's divine. Like God just sent 11 angels into my life to keep me sane during my JC years. Hah..

Anyway, went out with leepeng mindy and van after the events. ps abandoned us cause she has some date. *mock anger* but we still love our dearrrrrest captain all the same. Okay anyway, going out with mindy when she is tired is quite disastrous. She became so HIGH that it was so embarrassing. The outing just became so girly that it is damn fun! Mindy keep doing funny accents and leepeng tried to follow her. End up leepeng's fake accent make her sound like a filippino. WAHAHAHAS.

We ate at Food Republic korean food which tasted really good. sat and talked/crapped until we got chased out. proceed to do a little shopping before stopping by coffee bean to rest. continued to talk and laugh so much that the stomach felt the stitch. haha. I hope that we don't lose the healing effect we have on one another. The ability to make each other's day simply just by being yourself. Irreplaceable :)

Shall stop now because I have to go and row tmr because ps is going and because if I dont go yongggg is going to kill me. Aiya, of course not mr yong la :P
CiaoZ!