Friday, November 24, 2006

I was walking in a car park and a car doing a reverse nearly knocked me down. You know there are times when I hate it when I false start, too quick to react for my own good they say. Today I count my blessing that I was able to dodge this van that was trying to accelerate my citizenship in heaven.

So there I was, arms full of food and everything, getting a rude shock when the van came too close for comfort. I quickly moved away and I find it hard to tell you how angry I was after walking away. I mean Hello! Are you trying to kill me or something? Then after a while, in the process of curbing my own fury undesirable anger, I realized that the driver most probably didn't intend to murder me. I mean, I don't know him and he doesn't look like he's crazy. I most probably was in a blind spot that he couldn't spot me, so he did his reverse anyway.

So now we are on this topic of blind spot (partially inspire by GA's latest episode and my little 'run-in' with the van today). We all have our blind spot, figuratively and literally. Every normal eye has a scotoma in its field of vision, usually termed its blind spot. The presence of this normal scotoma does not intrude into consciousness because it is very small, but it is there. Don’t understand? For those Naruto fans, you should know that Neji/Hinata’s byakugan has a blind spot too. The only place where they can’t see even with their elevated vision. And figuratively, there are things or areas in our lives that we choose to ignore. Point to note though blind spots does not equate to soft spots. What’s yours?

Alright, enough of blind spots. Not exactly my choice of topic suddenly(yes I am fickle), am more inclined to speak a bit about disappointments. I was just talking to people about results and disappointments. I think a lot of times when people let us down, we feel miserable. We wonder why it has to be this way. But what is worse than being disappointed is being the disappointment. Some of us go very hard on ourselves for that.

I can’t recall the number of times I know I have been a disappointment. To everyone, anyone, especially God. I don’t know how many times I know people are waiting for me to apologize but I choose to keep quiet. Or the times when I had the ability to make things better I choose to protect myself. Many things could have just been brighter, easier and shinier, I just can’t seem to shake this off me, can’t seem to convince myself that I should do so much more.

After a while, I figure it is really very hard to live by principles. It’s not that I don’t want to be right I just need to be more hardworking. Sometimes I do wonder why some things that seem exceedingly easy for one can look so bad on me. Then after a while more I stop trying to prevent myself from being a disappointment. I stop thinking about disappointment. I figure that maybe some things can really be shelved away. Like maybe everything can be on a lighter note if I want them to, and so far, it works.

Don’t worry, I don’t have any issues. Okay, back to energy balance :)
The music is really good now.