Wednesday, March 28, 2007

My favourite mistake.

It is such an irony because mistakes aren't suppose to make you feel well, so you should not have a favourite. It's not like your favourite candy or cartoon character. It shouldn't be even remotely good since there is always a price to pay for the mistakes you made. The guilt-induced days that follow, knowing you have done something you shouldn't.

Doing something you shouldn't. A shorter and more common name: mistake. And for many of us, doing something we KNOW we shouldn't. That would be our deliberate mistake. Our favourite mistake. The ones that we do have the power to change, but more than often dismiss it with a simple excuse: I can't help it.

Talking about excuses, don't we all love them? How they sometimes walk hand-in-hand with lies and denials. They are a thin line between those two, however the only conclusive thing is that none of them are good. The roots of our mistakes, the sources of the faults, usually we pinpoint everyone and everything except ourselves. No matter how sometimes we try to paint the picture nicer by claiming some ownership of the problem, we always prefer to blame others.

I was drunk(read: blame the alcohol). I was distracted(read: something made me lose my focus). I was blahblahblahblah, etc. And maybe there are times when you did try but still fail, it could be a character thing or a personality flaw, but you just truly CAN'T HELP IT. I can't help myself a lot of times. Figuratively and literally, I'll be quick to tell you I really can't help it!

It's times like these when I will say, " God I can't help it, can you help me? "

I am really quite keen to see how George and Izzie turns out, based on this grave mistake they made. Sometimes even if you just failed once, the damage is bad enough to cause a snowballed effect. Yeah I get the fact that if you failed once, it doesn't mean that you don't deserve a second chance. But because this is the world that we live in, it is hard to earn a second chance. And I disagreed that they should keep this a secret. I think that by doing so, George is just digging his own grave. Because like what Addison will tell you, " The truth always comes out. It always does. "

Then there is the bait. If he says it out, his marriage could be over. If he doesn't, he still has a chance. We always think that we could fix our own mess, that we need no protection. I am wondering how long would it takes, for each and everyone of us to learn that we couldn't. So can you still move forward, with this burden that you have to carry because of the mistake you made and never show? We were told to move forward. We were always told that. But how do you do it when the past haunts you repeatedly? And when the weight of your wrong erases all the good in your life?

I wish I will have no favourite mistake. I wish that I can be right. In a perfect world, I might achieve that. But this isn't a perfect world and life isn't perfect(I know everyone agrees with me). Grey's season three is coming to an end, and I hate the fact that I will have to live a few months without it before the new season starts. I hate it even more that they are taking Addison away because I love that character. It's hard to imagine a season 4 without her.

So good things MUST come to an end, isn't it? It is like an almost unspoken rule.

The semester is ending and when the new semester starts, it will spells new things too. The good of this semester will end, and it may never be repeated again. I hate the fact that things are going to change, but I could thank God for the fact that there was no start.

So there will be no end.