Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Just when I thought things will get better, they have to kick me in the face.

Weekends were the best. Going back to church was the only right thing. It was a busy sunday, with activities from 9am all the way to 6pm. No break, but it felt good and it felt right. To the extent that I wish I could quit school and just be in church everyday. Then in this way, maybe things won't get to me.

I would really like to think that everything is really fine and great. But someone told me that even if I pretend/try hard enough, reality will never be kind. I tried to ignore everything, but when it comes to feelings, I caved in. And I caved in terribly.

We are all victims of time. Can never run away from what time did. Even if it hurts like hell to know the damage, I am powerless. The things I've come to learn, the things I noticed, I can't do anything. Even if I tried to hold things together, they eventually fall apart.

I can really do without feelings.

I do know what is going through yet I can't change or salvage anything. I would rather not know, so that I won't feel wrong. But the more I hide, the more it is being expressed. Have you ever wonder what it was like for the people at the side? To know and watch things unfold yet can't do anything. To go back and spent an entire hour in the dark thinking of why it has to be like this. We all know.

But no matter what is being said now I guess it wouldnt matter. My words wouldn't matter. Maybe because deep down I don't matter. We can all just go and be emo on our own and to hell with ALL THE DAMN ISSUES.

do you realise what you are saying to me? that i am a damn lousy friend. even though i try so damn hard to be right.